How to be more assertive without being aggressive?

Do you wish you were more assertive?

Do you reflect on situations and say to yourself, “If only I had stood up for myself?”

Becoming more assertive rather than aggressive or submissive is the number 1 way to get what you want and create a WIN-WIN situation.

Assertive people are much more likely to be successful in both their personal and professional lives.

This article will give you the following things:

Tim is an executive coach and communication expert.

Executive Coach, Organisational Culture Expert, Mentally Healthy High Performance Workplaces

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a communication skill that respects the thoughts and wishes of others. People who are assertive clearly and respectfully communicate their wants, needs, positions, and boundaries to others. As a result there is no question of where they stand, no matter what the topic.

A key advantages of being more assertive is a reduction anxious thoughts, even when under stress. Assertive people are firm without being rude or aggresive. They react to positive and negative emotions without becoming aggressive or resorting to being overly passive.

Individuals who are assertive defend their points of view or wishes without becoming aggressive or unpleasant. They are also open to both compliments and constructive criticism. Assertiveness is often associated with higher self esteem and confidence.

The 3 different behaviour types.

There are 3 different behavioural styles that have been identified in the way people relate to each other.  These are:

  1. Aggressive
  2. Submissive (passive, and
  3. Assertive.

Identifying each of these and what style you currently have is important.

The aggressive style

These people often speak in a very direct, demanding or dominating manner.  They often use hostile remarks, sarcasm, demands and threats.

The consequence of this is that they often put others down to keep themselves on top.

How can you identify them?

Body language – often sit very upright, point their fingers when talking, often cross their arms and are generally unapproachable unless your support what they want to do.

Eye Contact – stare at others that may oppose them, tries to dominate by breaking eye contact last

Facial expression – Mocking smiles, scowls, raised eyebrows

Voice and speech – very confident, firm tone, may raise their voice when challenged, sometimes sarcastic,  Their voice is often described as hard.

The submissive style

These people often appear eager to please and don’t want to upset anyone.  They often apologise for what they say and seek permission for their thoughts or actions.

As a result they often fail to express their thoughts or opinions in a direct manner.

How can you identify them?

Body language – head downcast, body slumped, sometimes cover their mouth with their hand, sometimes fidget

Eye Contact – often avoid eye contact by looking sway or down.

Facial expression – sometimes purse their lips, smile slightly when being criticised, often a neutral expression

Voice and speech – hesitant in their speech.  May speak very softly, almost apologetically.  Their voice is sometimes described as monotone.

The assertive style

These people make statements that are clear, brief and to the point.  They respect themselves and others and usually offer constructive suggestions with blame or judgement.  Their tone of voice is often steady and firm and neither too soft or too loud.

How can you identify them?

Body language – Sits upright, have open body language and they use their hands for emphasis with our pointing or jabbing at other.

Eye Contact – they make eye contact with others without going into a staring competition.  Eye contact is to create a connection, not a challenge.

Facial expression – Their facial expressions are open and transparent.  They smile when happy and sometimes frown when angry or confused.  Their expressions are a reflection their emotion, not a tool to get what they want.

Voice and speech – They use a confident tone with few hesitations and speak at an even pace.  Their goal is to exchange information, not win a verbal battle.

The top 7 traits of an assertive person

  1. They stand up for themselves
  2. They are polite but firm
  3. They respect themselves AND other people
  4. They control their feelings and act rationally
  5. The see choices and shades of grey, not black and white ‘binary’ solutions
  6. They face up to situations
  7. They own their feelings and actions and communicate in terms of ‘I’

What do these things mean and how can you do them to?

Trait 1 – They stand up for themselves

Trait 2 – They are polite but firm

Trait 3 – They respect themselves AND other people

Trait 4 – They control their feelings and act rationally

Trait 5 – The see choices and shades of grey, not black and white ‘binary’ solutions

Trait 6 – They face up to situations

Trait 7 – They own their feelings and actions and communicate in terms of ‘I’

Assertiveness involves standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs directly and honestly, without trampling all over other people.

The ‘No 1′ tool for dealing with aggressive people without joining their club

The first step to becoming more assertive is to start to stand up for yourself.  Try this tool and see if it works for you…

  1. When …
  2. I feel …
  3. Because …
  4. And what I …

If someone keeps talking over the top of you in conversation you need to tell them. It might look like this.

When you talk over the top of me I feel like you don’t care what I think, because I never get to finish what I am saying and what I want is to give my opinion without you interrupting me.

When you use this model to stand up to aggressive people the changes can be dramatic and immediate.  Remember that the best way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them.

This way you can do this without becoming aggressive yourself.

The TOP 10 affirmative affirmations

  1. I will act in ways that promote  my dignity and self respect
  2. I will act as thought people respect me
  3. I will say no and not feel guilty
  4. I will experience and express my feelings
  5. I will take time to slow down and think
  6. I will often change my mind.
  7. I will ask for what I want
  8. I will ask for information
  9. I will make mistakes
  10. I will feel good about myself
Using affirmation and repeating them daily is a proven way to change behaviour and mindset.
Being assertive can be a learnt skill but it takes focus and practice if it does not come naturally.
How do you focus on being assertive?
Which of these ideas are you going to use first to make sure you stand up for yourself without being disrespectful to others?

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin

278 Responses

  255. pgสล็อต เป็นเกมสล็อตที่มีอัตราการเกิดแจ๊คเพียงพอตแตกง่ายที่สุดในบรรดาสล็อตของปี 2022 ไม่ว่าจะเล่นในโทรศัพท์หรือในคอมพิวเตอร์เกมค่ายนี้ก็พร้อมที่จะแจกรางวัลให้กับผู้เล่นทุกคนเสมอ

    Reply

  257. Windows Repair is a utility that contains numerous mini-fixes as a remedy for Windows. https://window-repair-boston56665.jts-blog.com/16135719/the-greatest-guide-to-window-repair Window repair Aspectmontage Boston This utensil when one pleases assign you to repair mutual issues with your computer such as firewall, file countenance, and Windows Update problems. When using this gismo you can opt for the specially fixes you would like to gig and start the patch process. This gadget also comes in a manageable construct that allows you to employ the program from a vest-pocket instrument such as a USB before you can say ‘jack robinson’ drive.

    Reply

  263. Ведите блог с мобильного устройства

    Dandruff while bringing out the natural oils in the dog’s fur. Move out of his space. It is important to get the maximum out of each massage session that you get. The CBD used in our massage is sourced from Colorado, Organic and THC free. Undercover officers offered masseuses money in exchange for sexual acts at a West 103rd Street massage parlor. Instead, it is a highly formal exchange where profanity is verboten. U.S. News. World Report. S. News. World Report. To borrow from John Lennon, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one, and I write for the dreamers of the world. In some instances, however, heat may aggravate a joint that’s already “hot” from inflammation, as is sometimes the case with rheumatoid arthritis. What most people don’t realize, however, is that there are natural herbal remedies that help relieve the pain of arthritis associated with getting older. A deficiency of essential mineralsmay be one of the causes of arthritis. What was one drop rule?
    Nightshades for several months. As a result, the interviewee starts talking because they figure there’s something wrong with the answer they have just given. Some interviews have been painful and disastrous. These can help him or her determine if you have a kidney problem. It can also help you in court should that situation arise. Women who wear tight tops that accentuate their cleavage to a job interview can kiss the job goodbye, according to a survey. A job interview is not a casual conversation between friends in bar. Conversely, don’t ramble, even when there’s a pause in the conversation. Even if your interviewer swears, don’t get comfortable and swear, too. Rubbing your nose, even if it itches, could mean you’re dishonest. If the interviewer gives you the silent treatment after you answered a question, shut your pie hole and show confidence in your previous answer. Just give enough detail to answer the question.
    Some employers want to get the basics out of the way quickly. You might also want to consult your physician before undergoing reflexology. They don’t want to waste anyone’s time. People will tell you that you are wasting your time. The job interview is your time to shine. Try to use appropriate terminology in the interview. Although coconut oil is recommended by some people for ringworm, the treatment you use will depend on its location on your body and how serious it is, per the CDC. Reducing muscle tension will result to both physical and mental relaxation because it reduces the negative health effects of chronic stress, enabling the body to heal and relax. This treatment improves posture, relaxation, and releases muscle tension and stress. This gives you a variety of treatment options at the touch of a button. Asking about perks in the wrong way could prove disastrous. Don’t clam up. Everyone has varying degrees of shyness, but you need to talk about your employment experiences concisely and in an interesting way. The key is to learn from both experiences.
    We adamantly refused the idea at first but Jonas was the one that convinced us it was right. Add eliminated foods back into your diet, one at a time, every four days. Others believe that foods from the nightshade family, such as tomatoes, potatoes, and peppers, aggravate their condition, although others don’t notice any connection. If you think certain foods play a role in your arthritis symptoms, it is important to put them to the test. Ample amounts of tissue-building minerals in your daily diet will keep bones healthy and may help prevent bone spurs, a common complication of arthritis. This painful and debilitating joint disease is usually either classified as osteoarthritis (OA) or rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Horsetail’s cornucopia of minerals, including silicon, may nourish joint cartilage. For a more contemporary twist on Halloween, give a nod to NASCAR and continue to the next page to outfit your little Dale or Danica in full racing style — including a customized car to trick-or-treat in! Daily Mail. “How a little too much cleavage can cost you a job interview.” Sept. It took 5 months to build at a cost of $1 million and is equipped with waterfalls, fountains and a 15-foot (4.5-meter) waterslide.

    Reply

  265. They are the Signature Hustle (this has Nexus Plugins incorporated into it), Fruity Print run, and Fabricator Edition. Considering the rate of their set someone back, Fruity. FL Studio Activation Explanation is a well-rounded and efficient short story of software, although it is mostly targeted at professionals, as it may be. Existing, Lifetime Free Update, and new customers can unlock FL Studio for Mac and Windows at no collateral cost. Joined certify to lead them all!
    https://anacreatiiva.com/down/
    https://laptopes.com/down/
    https://ahsapeloymasanati.net/down/

    https://laptopes.com/down/

    Reply

  266. WINDOW REPLACEMENT & PLACEMENT IN MASSACHUSETTS
    People in Boston, MA are aware of the prestige of the windows in their houses Replacement Window Boston. They be acquainted with that without calibre windows not at most command it be agonizingly with a view them to charm buyers, but also they on not catch the defence from gelid, moisture and afraid that they desire. Windows are one of the most critical elements of a house.

    Reply

  272. порно мамки инцест бесплатно https://porno-incest.top/ смотреть французские порно инцест фильмы

    порно рассказы про инцест малолетних
    порно инцест дочь спалила родителей за сексом
    порно инцест мать и сын по принуждению
    порно мама инцест франции
    порно ролики онлайн инцест изнасилования
    порно инцест рассказы сом
    порно рассказы феминизация инцест
    семейный свинг инцест порно рассказы
    порно ролики бесплатно инцест с разговорами
    порно инцест смотреть сейчас
    7aed888

    Reply

  274. Vps сервер в Беларуси почти даром

    У нас самый быстрый хостинг в Беларуси, бесплатные SSL, установка CMS в 1 клик, выгодная партнерская программа и многое другое.

    Наш сайт – https://cloudvps.by/

    Reply

  277. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is wonderful blog. An excellent read. I’ll definitely be back.
    If you have any suggestions or techniques for my new blog https://indigorosee.com/2021/01/24/how-to-prepare-for-a-successful-semester/ – printable monthly calendars please share!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Critical Factors Logo_Primary_Full_Inverted

About

Pages

Terms

Head Office

Ⓒ 2024 - All Rights Are Reserved